Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
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