I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
