Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I pour the whiskey from now on
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
