I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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