You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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