Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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