wake up i wanna do it froggy style
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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