I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
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