Dude my mom stole all your condoms
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
