Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize