omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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