I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
