It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
