Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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