If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
my phone needs a breathalizer
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
