So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Randomize
