If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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