i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
