just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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