bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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