Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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