4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
