I'm gonna have a badass scar
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
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