Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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