The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
