mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
