I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I love you.
Bad choice
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
