I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
