I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
