Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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