I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
