Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Randomize