I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
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