so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
