Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Randomize
