He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
