Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
there is puke in my bra ... again
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