You're my little dorito
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
