I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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