I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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