he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
A+ Viking dick
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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