wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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