im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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