So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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