this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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