'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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