I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
