So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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