Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
