Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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