im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
