my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize