I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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