his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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