I hate your face
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
