I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Quick, to the slutcave!
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Who died my cat blue again?
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize
