Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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