i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
