): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
