five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Oh god it's open bar.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
