You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
