Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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