she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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