i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
