??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I think my moral compass just broke
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
