No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
