fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Randomize
