I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Randomize
