if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
third nipple confirmed
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
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