he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
