he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
