At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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