i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
how does that bad decision feel?
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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