It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
