She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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