lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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